Just In Case Someone Out There Is Broken Like Me

Psalm 145:8-9 NASB

The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. The LORD is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works.

Psalm 119:156 NASB

Great are Your mercies, O LORD; Revive me according to Your ordinances.

Lamentations 3:22-23 NASB

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

       Today is a new day and if you have breath in your lungs and woke up this morning God has given you another chance. He is the God of mercy and abundant lovingkindness.

      If you are feeling today like you are too far gone and have strayed too far away you need only to read these verses to know that today is a new day the Lord has given you. A gift from His very own hand. If you woke up feeling discouraged or downtrodden know first that you DID wake up. He is saying to you "Get back up. I am giving you a fresh start this morning. Let's tackle this thing together"

       Yesterday is gone and forgotten. (Isaiah 43:25) "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins." Let us not forget that He has created time in such a way that we cannot go back...only forward. He has done this for a reason. Don't let Satan hold you in the chains of yesterday. God has given you a blessing of another NEW day.

    And, yes, He wants you to do the right thing in His sight. But He also wants you to move forward, believe His promises, and (if necessary and possible) make an attempt to right your wrongs. He will help you. He will move mountains for you if you cry out to Him. We just need to understand some mountains are huge and take a really long time to get out of the way. In the mean time, just put one foot in front of the other.

   I am with you friend. I feel you. I hear the cries of your broken heart. I love you...every part of you (even the broken parts). And Jesus loves us all (jagged edges and rips and all).

Why You Shouldn't Be A Harsh Judge

      Ok, ladies, here's the deal: we are not perfect. We as moms, wives, daughters, friends?? We will make mistakes today. We will stumble (probably a bunch of times) and maybe even fall. We will say something to hurt someone we love or snap at someone out of exasperated pride or maybe even snub a friend when she needs us most. At the very least we will have a few sinful thoughts brewing in our pride-ridden hearts. But Jesus says that He loves us with and everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). So let's muster up the courage to just admit and accept that fact before we even put our weary bare feet on the floor this morning. Let us just look up to our gracious Savior, raise our hands (partly in praise and partly in surrender) and say, "Lord, I accept that I am far from perfect and I know You do not expect me to be that way today. I trust in Your perfection and holiness and know that it is not because of my clean house or perfectly obedient children (ppffftt. . .yeah right) that You love me. But only because You created me and because You are love."

      So your probably saying to yourself right about now, "Trust me, I already know I'm not perfect. I don't need you to tell me." So why, oh why, dear sisters do we as women constantly beat ourselves up over even the silliest, most insignificant things?? Oh...you don't do that? Your balanced and emotionally stable enough to smile calmly and take it in astride when you pick your child up from preschool only to realize his pants have been on backwards ALL day?? (yes, that was me...the poor child) Well then a-maz-ing woman, please friend me on Facebook so I too can learn your secret.

     But let's be real here. While most of us may put on a brave face in light of a faux pas moment, deep inside I believe we are all imaging all sorts of gossipy judgments raining down on us. Or am I the only one here? (c'mon ladies, don't leave me hanging here all alone on the crazy train) And I think also that we can be so used to these imaginary character attacks that we don't even realize how tense and anxious we have become. At least I know that's true for me. And when I talk with my very dear (and very admirable) sisters I realize I am far from alone.

     Ladies, I know our wonderful Savior who created us in such love and dedication would rarely, if ever, be as harsh and demanding and even downright tyrannical on us as we are on ourselves. I mean, He is called the God of forgiveness for a reason. (Nehemiah 9:17) When I think of Jesus putting the scribes and pharisees in their place for judging the sinful woman who anointed His feet with her very own tears... 

     Here is a woman, probably a prostitute (Jesus Himself said her sins were many), probably a total spiritual wreck on the inside. I am willing to bet this poor woman beat herself down daily for her mistakes. I am also willing to bet that this woman was trying her best to survive in a not-so-nice world, doing the best she could with what she had. And our sweet, tender-hearted Jesus still loved her with an everlasting love. He forgave all her sins, which were many because He alone could see deep into her heart. That she desperately wanted to change. To be accepted and loved for who she was inside, not for what she did or said or how she dressed. She wanted to be a better person than who she was. If only she could get out from under the heaviness of society's judgments that covered her like a blanket of bricks, keeping her as low to the ground as possible. She longed to live a different way. A better way. She just didn't know how. (Ever felt like that?)

     And if Jesus, the same God who created us in tender love all the way back in the beginning, so loves to forgive - why, oh why, dear sisters do we not forgive ourselves? Why do we carry around our past mistakes like bricks hidden in our handbags, silently struggling with the weight as we smile politely on the outside? If He removed our transgressions as far from us as the east is from the west, why can't we just. let. it. go? 

     Now this is not to say that we should walk around all sin-happy just because He is a God of forgiveness and grace. Remember the words of the Holy Spirit through Paul: "How can we who died to sin still live in it?" (Romans 6:2) But it is a heart that wants to be better. That recognizes it's dark parts and longs for a Savior to wash it clean. This is the heart that the God of the whole entire universe, who created e-v-e-r-y-thing falls in love with (doesn't it just give you chills?). This is also the heart that is mightily blessed to fall in love with Him.

     I know, as I read blogs and Facebook posts and listen to my dear sisters, that this is the cry of all our hearts. With one resounding and harmonized voice many hearts cry together to the mighty Shepherd "Yes, Lord! We want to know You more so that we can be more like You!" 

     So, today, I offer two challenges. The first has to do with judging others. I know its a hard thing to admit so I'll be the first to come clean: I have had judgmental and criticizing thoughts about my family, friends, even that guy in the post office whom I have never before met in my life (whew! there, I said it). But God's word says there is no partiality with Him. He does not play favorites. (Romans 2:11) He loves the mom losing it with her screaming kid (you know, the one I just judged as a bad mom?) in Walmart just as much as He loves me. So the challenge is: the next time one of those ugly little thought bubbles pops up and attempts to turn you heart against a person who is probably just doing the best they can with what they have, just pop it. Let's, instead, try to imagine how we would feel if somebody said or thought that about us. Let's ask our gracious God for wisdom to see that person through His eyes of love and for a heart softened and changed. (and let's not forget about our own logs...hmm?)

     The second challenge has to do with judgement of ourselves. Remember what the Holy Spirit said about partiality through Paul? Well, the same goes for you and I. Jesus loves us just as much as that perfectly-put-together mom we are comparing ourselves with. (Because, let's face it, how many times have I been that mom in Walmart losing it on my kids?) So here it is: the next time we have a negative thought about ourselves I challenge us to pray first and second figure out what the exact opposite of that thought is (I am pretty, I am a loving wife, my children are not going to grow up to be serial killers) and purposefully think it. Choose to believe it. (And remember Jesus left His heavenly home to come to this earth and suffer greatly and die for you...you really think He'd do all that if He wasn't crazy mad in love with you??)

     Believe me my beautiful sisters (and brothers), I know this is much easier said than done. But I also know if we ask our loving Father for grace and help in time of need He will provide the manna for us (Hebrews 4:16). Just for today...think beautiful thoughts!

"He does not delight in the strength of the horse;

He does not take pleasure in the legs of a man.

The Lord favors those who fear Him,

Those who wait for His lovingkindness."

Psalm 147:10-11

Unconditional

          I opened the boys' bedroom door softly and tiptoed into the darkened room. I had been drinking my morning coffee and relishing some alone time with the Lord when I heard the familiar sound of Ely's soft voice singing in his bed. The sound of my boys' tiny little voices letting me know when they are awake in the morning is one of those things I will remember fondly and my heart will truly ache for when they are grown up and have moved out to start families of their own.



        I went to Elyas' bed first seeing as how he was sitting up and Ephraim was still laying down. I reached down to him and he immediately stood up and climbed into my arms. This is our usual morning ritual. I always try to remember to give them hugs and kisses before they even hit the floor, as I believe it is very important to start the day off feeling loved. Normally, being the bouncy, energetic toddlers they are, they immediately try to squirm out of my grasp and run head long into the day. This morning, however, when I picked up Elyas he neither squirmed nor tried to break free. Instead, he laid his little head on my shoulder and released the full weight of his body into my arms. Completely at rest and completely trusting me to hold him up. He could have been fast asleep if I didn't know any better.

 

         This was such a rare treat to me as I feel like I am always chasing these little bundles of energy around trying to steal just one more minute of snuggle time, just one more kiss. And they are always trying to get away. Sitting still for my boys probably feels similar to what kryptonite felt like for Superman. This morning, though, I was blessed with a special gift. The funny thing is I didn't realize how precious the feeling of them in my arms was or how much I was missing it until that moment. Sure, I pick them up a hundred times a day. But since they developed their own internal sources of renewable energy it's never without them attempting to get away.

        As I stood there holding my baby boy I thought to myself, I wonder if this is how Jesus wants us to lean on Him? The answer came to my heart quickly and without delay - Yes! Ephesians 6:10 tells us to be strong in the strength of His might. Philippians 4:13 says we can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us. We are meant to trust in and rely completely on the Lord - not ourselves! 

         To reiterate this truth, on a few recent nights I have found Elyas not in bed where he was supposed to be but, instead, playing with his trains on the floor in the dark. I didn't know why at the time but it just completely broke my heart and gave birth to such pity for my precious baby boy. To see him so consumed with playing with those toys that he was willing to sit on the cold floor in the dark, instead of warm in his bed, and play all by himself....I just can't describe the love and pity and compassion it gave me for him. I couldn't even bring myself to reprimand him sharply like I normally would have. Instead, all I could do was gently take the trains from him, scoop him up in my arms, and tuck him back in bed. 

         It might sound crazy to some but I believe the Lord, through this experience, was showing me the kind of love He has for us. He sees us through eyes of love. The eyes of a parent. He sees our sin and takes pity on us because of that love. He knows we are desperately flawed. He knows that sometimes we are even a danger to our own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. And that is why He not only died for us to reconcile us to Himself, but also was raised again to life on the third day so that He can guide us, mature us, love us, protect us. Romans 5:10 speaks of this.

          I think sometimes it can be hard to trust in the Lord not because He is untrustworthy (by no means!) but because of our own sin. The enemy uses our mistakes and shortcomings against us so that we ask the question, How can Jesus possibly love someone like me? He shouts our sins in our face and glaringly illuminates our flaws so that we are unable to see past our own imperfections to the indestructible and unfailing love of God. He is a murderer and, therefore, loves to kill and destroy. Have you ever seen those cartoons with the person wrestling with a decision and a devil is on one shoulder talking in their ear while the angel is on the other side? Those cartoons are not too far off. Satan stands right in our ear and hopes if he talks loudly enough we won't hear the voice on the other shoulder.
       
       The one problem with that is that our Angel, the Spirit of the Lord Jesus, does not merely whisper in our ear and hope we will hear it. He speaks directly to our hearts. Where, even if we don't recognize it at first because of all the other "noise" around, it will burrow deep into the soil and take root. He makes sure the job gets done!

Father, I thank You for being so wise and loving. Thank You for having such pity and compassion for me in my sin. I pray that, by Your Spirit, You will teach me to become more mature - less like me and more like You. Dear Savior, please take any "toys" from my hand that might be keeping me from resting safe and warm in the "bed" of Your everlasting arms. Amen.

Love

     So often I believe the enemy's lie that I am a bad mom, a terrible person, because the feeling of love - of total adoration - does not always come easy for me as a mom of three-year-old boys. Sometimes I have to cultivate that love-feeling by remembering they are a gift from the hand of my loving Creator. By remembering their good qualities in the midst of temper tantrums. By asking for a "huggie" or "kissie" when I honestly don't even want to look at them. And sometimes I have to get on my knees and beg for that feeling. For just one shimmering glimpse through the eyes with which I used to see them when they were infants (before they developed their own will). Through the eyes of their loving Creator.

     And, honestly, it makes me feel like the worst mom e-v-e-r! But I believe that is a lie of the enemy himself. You see, if love were this super easy thing that humans could just feel (and act on) whenever they should, I don't think God would have had to reiterate it so many times throughout the bible. Over and over again He reminds us to love one another - even when we do not feel loved by the other person. 1 Corinthians 14:1 tells us to "pursue love".  In chapter 13, Paul actually describes what true, unconditional love looks like. It is patient, kind, not arrogant or jealous and - most important to me at this stage in my life - is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered and bears all things. Hmm...I wonder why the Lord would feel the need to inspire such a detailed account of true, Godly love. Perhaps because He knows the heart of man?

     There are many more places in the bible where the author (inspired by the Holy Spirit) reminds and challenges us to love. Leviticus 19:18, Deuteronomy 10:19, John 15:12 and Romans 13:8 are all wonderful examples of God's messengers emboldening and encouraging us to love the Lord and love His people. And there are tons more too! The New Testament is woven intricately together with charges to and descriptions of love. Not the way the world loves but the way God loves. The way Jesus loved on that cross.

 

     I believe the Lord knows the human heart and how difficult it can be for us at times. It is so easy for the Holy Spirit's call to love, forgive, and have compassion on to be drowned out by our own pride's call to contend, turn away from and get revenge on. That's why the bible tells us over and over again to pursue love. To put on kindness and compassion (Colassians 3:12). To love our enemies and do good to those who hate us (Luke 6:27). Not to mention all the places where God's beautiful and perfect love for us is described. You know, come to think of it - I can name countless places in the bible where He reminds us to love Him with all our heart and souls, love others and put them before ourselves, and just how great His love for us is. I cannot, however, remember ever reading in the bible a reminder to love myself. Why? Probably because the sinful heart of man needs no reminder to love himself. We do, however, need plenty of reminders to forget about ourselves and put others first! (I know I do, anyway.)

 

     So often we need to look past our feelings and emotions and focus on the word of God. We must learn to tear down - thought by thought and emotion by emotion - the lies satan sells us. "If you don't feel love you don't have to show it" he says. "If you don't feel the love," he lies, "there must not be any in your heart." I can't even tell you how many times I have heard this one - "You should just give up and succumb to your anger." However, I learned something today, as I looked at my child who had just gotten done throwing one of his many temper tantrums of the day. Unlike my fit-throwing little cherub, I don't have to let my emotions boss me around. I can look at my child (or any other person for that matter) faults and all and make the conscience decision to show love to them regardless of how badly they are behaving. (Like I'm such an angel myself!) The amazing thing is this: if I make that decision in my head, the Lord will honor it in my heart. 

     You see, that is what He wants. He doesn't expect His children to be perfect all the time. In fact, He is unscathed and unmiffed (unlike us) when we make the same mistake for the one hundredth time. (Try having that kind of patience with your children!) But He does want us to mature and grow to a point where we say, "Yes Lord! I will follow Your way and not my own!" To be driven less and less by our heart of emotions (which, by the way, will lie to us) and more and more by the desire to obey Him. 

     And like a child who knows not what is best for her (but thinks she does) I will certainly come back to this place again where I am struggling to "feel" the love in my heart for my children. Probably tomorrow when they have spilled their third drink of the day on my just-cleaned kitchen floor or after I've told them (in my nicest mommy voice) for the seventh time to sit on the couch so I can put their shoes on or when they are throwing a royal fit complete with limp bodies laying on the floor and high-pitched wailing because I've told them it's nap time.

 

 

     But what I'm learning more and more lately is that love - true, unconditional love - is about 30% "feeling" and 70% decision. Because eventually that new baby smell and post pregnancy hormones are going to fade away. Eventually the excitement of the new romance and first date flush will disappear. And then what are you left with? A true, 100% raw version of the edited fairy tale you had made up in your head. A real person, unique with all sorts of flaws and quirks and special qualities and talents instilled by the Lord's own hand. That's when you get to make the beautiful decision of loving that person anyway. (Because let's not forget about our own logs!)

     You see, the Lord is teaching me one very special thing about love. True love - Godly love - is more than butterflies in your stomach or a desire to be near EVERY waking moment. It is crying when your loved one is crying. It is rejoicing when he (or she) is rejoicing. It is offering your silent presence when there are no words to say. It is swallowing your pride even when you know you are right. It is enduring heartache and hurt even when you don't deserve it. And, in it's ugliest and most beautiful state, it is staying when all you want to do is leave. Love is more than just a feeling - it's an action. After all, wasn't it pure, holy love when Jesus made the decision to leave His heavenly home and come to dwell among us here in this sin-ridden world? Wasn't it perfect, unconditional love when He chose to stay up on that cross, beaten and broken, and suffer death so that we might live?

            When I think about that, choosing to show my children love in action - even when they are screaming in the middle of Walmart and e-v-e-r-y one is staring at me - doesn't seem like such an impossible task.

 

 

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

Hope and Patience

     Well it has been SUPER long since I last wrote and so I decided it was time. The Lord is being faithful (as always) to lead me into a deeper and stronger connection with Him and I feel that I need to write it down.

     The other day I was (I believe) under attack from the enemy. I didn't realize it while in the thick of it but later that day I just had this picture in my mind of all these thoughts bombarding and attacking me like little mini kamikaze planes at my head. It was weird but He knew it was exactly the picture I needed to make sense of it. Anyway, I was calling out to Jesus because I knew these thoughts were not only wrong but also not my own. However, I kept thinking that He was ignoring me. As much as I pleaded with Him for help He just stayed silent! I knew even this thought was wrong but couldn't shake it. Yep. I was being driven and pushed around by my emotions. Oh, how I am growing to dislike that word.

     I talked to a very dear friend and mentor later and she really helped me. She said to speak the Word (out loud!) in those moments when I am being attacked and keep speaking it.

     "Even if I don't believe it right then?" I said.

     "Absolutely!" she said. "You don't believe it because you don't feel it." Doesn't make His word any less true. What then? If some did not believe, their unbelief will not nullify the faithfulness of God, will it? (Romans 3:3) She also said to ask God what He wanted me to learn from this situation and trust that He will be faithful to answer.

     "Maybe not today," she said, "but maybe tomorrow or a few days from now. Something will happen or you'll read a verse of scripture and it will just make sense." Hmm....funny she should say that. A few days later when I picked up my bible this is what I read: For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. (Romans 8:24-25)

     And then, as she had said, it all made sense. The Lord had never once left my side during that time, He was simply allowing me to grow. He was strengthening my faith. I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had come too close to the edge He would have reached out and grabbed me. But that's the amazing thing about our Lord. He already knows! He already knew how that was going to play out and He planned it that way. The enemy had an attack planned for that day but Jesus had it planned for my good and His glory.

     The other day I caught myself in something I said to Ephraim. He found a water bottle that had been left out in one of the diaper bags. Of course he wanted to have a sip but I, being the protective mother, did not want to give that one to him because I didn't know if it had been left in the heat at any point in time. (Still not really sure whether that's an urban legend or not but, hey, better safe than sorry.) So I took the water bottle from him, planning to give him a nice cold and fresh water from the fridge, and sure enough he began to cry. "Have patience," I said to him, "I'm going to give you water, just not this water because I have something better for you." Wow. How many times has the Lord said that to me when I complained because I didn't get what I wanted immediately??

     Thank you, Lord, for your patience and slowness to anger with me. Thank you for knowing and giving me exactly what I need instead of what I want. Amen.