This was such a rare treat to me as I feel like I am always chasing these little bundles of energy around trying to steal just one more minute of snuggle time, just one more kiss. And they are always trying to get away. Sitting still for my boys probably feels similar to what kryptonite felt like for Superman. This morning, though, I was blessed with a special gift. The funny thing is I didn't realize how precious the feeling of them in my arms was or how much I was missing it until that moment. Sure, I pick them up a hundred times a day. But since they developed their own internal sources of renewable energy it's never without them attempting to get away.
As I stood there holding my baby boy I thought to myself, I wonder if this is how Jesus wants us to lean on Him? The answer came to my heart quickly and without delay - Yes! Ephesians 6:10 tells us to be strong in the strength of His might. Philippians 4:13 says we can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us. We are meant to trust in and rely completely on the Lord - not ourselves!
To reiterate this truth, on a few recent nights I have found Elyas not in bed where he was supposed to be but, instead, playing with his trains on the floor in the dark. I didn't know why at the time but it just completely broke my heart and gave birth to such pity for my precious baby boy. To see him so consumed with playing with those toys that he was willing to sit on the cold floor in the dark, instead of warm in his bed, and play all by himself....I just can't describe the love and pity and compassion it gave me for him. I couldn't even bring myself to reprimand him sharply like I normally would have. Instead, all I could do was gently take the trains from him, scoop him up in my arms, and tuck him back in bed.
It might sound crazy to some but I believe the Lord, through this experience, was showing me the kind of love He has for us. He sees us through eyes of love. The eyes of a parent. He sees our sin and takes pity on us because of that love. He knows we are desperately flawed. He knows that sometimes we are even a danger to our own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. And that is why He not only died for us to reconcile us to Himself, but also was raised again to life on the third day so that He can guide us, mature us, love us, protect us. Romans 5:10 speaks of this.
I think sometimes it can be hard to trust in the Lord not because He is untrustworthy (by no means!) but because of our own sin. The enemy uses our mistakes and shortcomings against us so that we ask the question, How can Jesus possibly love someone like me? He shouts our sins in our face and glaringly illuminates our flaws so that we are unable to see past our own imperfections to the indestructible and unfailing love of God. He is a murderer and, therefore, loves to kill and destroy. Have you ever seen those cartoons with the person wrestling with a decision and a devil is on one shoulder talking in their ear while the angel is on the other side? Those cartoons are not too far off. Satan stands right in our ear and hopes if he talks loudly enough we won't hear the voice on the other shoulder.
The one problem with that is that our Angel, the Spirit of the Lord Jesus, does not merely whisper in our ear and hope we will hear it. He speaks directly to our hearts. Where, even if we don't recognize it at first because of all the other "noise" around, it will burrow deep into the soil and take root. He makes sure the job gets done!
Father, I thank You for being so wise and loving. Thank You for having such pity and compassion for me in my sin. I pray that, by Your Spirit, You will teach me to become more mature - less like me and more like You. Dear Savior, please take any "toys" from my hand that might be keeping me from resting safe and warm in the "bed" of Your everlasting arms. Amen.